Value of "Mother" - Part 1

This post is about a PLR therapy session of a person who had lost his mother early in life.  Having good parents to guide us in our life is a privilege that we children take for granted.  The sacrifices that they make for us (their children) definitely entitle them to time, love and affection in their old age.  I hope this session is an eye opener for all the children who take their parents for granted.

Mahesh (name changed), a computer engineer, in his early thirties, reached out to me in January, 2019.  He had heard about me having learnt the PLR therapy and wanted to undergo a session to address some of the issues he was having.  It was initial days for me as a PLR therapist and I was not sure if I could handle all the questions that may come from someone with a science background.  I asked him to meditate for at least a month before we could have the session.  After a month, he called again to say he has been meditating regularly and is keen to undergo a session at the earliest.  We fixed the date for the session and it was a Sunday in the month of February 2019.  He arrived at the scheduled time.

After brief introductions we got down to the serious talk.  Mahesh had lost his mother at the age of 8.  He was the only child and had felt very lonely all through.  Though, his father gave him all the love, he felt lonely.  The feeling of loneliness continued even after he was married and blessed with a child.  The question as to why his mother left him always bothered him.  Her early death bothered him every day.  He also suffered from severe migraine attacks.  The attacks had started when he was pursuing his engineering degree.  He seemed to have other fears and issues, but the priority for this session was first to understand why his mother died early and he was also keen to solve the headache issue.

He mentioned that he had been meditating regularly and during morning meditation on the day of the session, he had seen images of his mother.  We started with the introductions at about 10.30 in the morning.  It was noon by the time we finished with the discussions about him and the process of PLR therapy.  He had read about PLR and this made things easier.  I started with progressive relaxation.  After around 20 mins, as I was in the middle of the relaxation process, he suddenly said, “I see my mother.  She loves me.  I see our quarters (the residential units for the employees of the company where his mother worked and where he stayed during his childhood).”  I did not want to interrupt him, and he continued, “She is wearing a ‘maxi’ (long gown worn by women in India) – dark blue and roaming around”.  I asked him, “How do you feel?” trying to keep pace with him, and he replied, “Happy”.

I asked him to go back in time to the root when his relationship with his mother started.  He said “I see toes – small.  I am a girl, wearing a frock.”  I asked him if it was this life.  He said not this life.

I asked, “What are you doing?”

He replied, “Playing near the sea.”  “I am beautiful.”

I enquired, “How old are you?”

“4-5 years.  Playing in the sand,” he replied.

I asked him to see who was around and who was accompanying him.  He said don’t know and said there were people there on the beach.  I asked him to go to the dinner time.  Eating is something we all do.  So, generally as therapist, we take the clients to the time of lunch or dinner, so that we can understand the other people associated with the client.

He saw a big table and they were having dinner.  The father was sitting at the head of the table.  He said, “It does not look like India.”

I asked, “How many people are there?”

“6-7, it is long table.”  I asked him if he saw his mother from this life around.  He said “No.”  I asked him to move to a significant event in that life. 

He moved forward, “I am old.  80+ around 87 holding a stick.  I am still in the big house.  I see my current Dad’s picture coming again and again.  My children are grown up and around me.”  I did not pay much attention to him seeing his Dad’s picture.  We may need to explore that in another session as we did not do it in this session.

I asked, “How many children do you have?”

“Two sons and one daughter.”  I checked if there was any significant event happening.  He said “No.”

I asked him to move forward to the time of his death.  “They are burying me.  I am dead.  They have put me in a coffin.”

I asked, “How did you die?”

“Illness…Vomited blood…I was very old around 90…I died after few days,” he replied.

I asked, “How do you feel?”

“Life was fantastic.  Enjoyed it thoroughly,” he said confidently.

I asked, “Any regrets?”

He said, “Suffered from children.”

I asked, “Why do you say that?”

He said with a unhappy tone, “They don’t take care of me.  Missed my husband.”

I asked him to go back to the time when the husband was around.  And he said, “I am with my husband very happy.”  Then he just went back to his death.  He said, “They are burying me in a coffin.”  I asked, “How do you feel?”  “Life is miserable.  I took care of everything, but was not taken care off.  My husband died young.”

I asked, “How old was your husband?”

He replied, “40.”

I asked, “How old were your children?”

He replied, “8, 10, 15.  I raised them.  It was hard for me to raise them.”

I asked, “How old were you when your husband died?”

He said, “35…37”

I asked, “What do you carry forward from that life?”

He said, “Feel scared of getting old.”

He was then floating and was seeing the white light.  I suggested he can get rid of the fear of getting old by burning the fear.  He was keen to get rid of the fear and he said he got the fear burnt.  He said it was very bright and was feel extremely energised in the light.  He wanted to be there for some time.  In everything that we do, there is always something to learn.  In PLRT too, every session is a learning for the therapist too.  I now understand that the best way to solve a symptom or issue is by asking the client, what they need to experience to get rid of the symptom – we should not suggest that they leave the issue or symptom behind.

I was wondering what could have been the reason for him to have gone into the life of the old lady – a life, where he did not identify from the present life.  Sometimes, what comes out during the session can be strange, you can only connect the dots in the end.  So, decided to see what will come out as we proceed.

After being in the light for some time, he said he is ready to move ahead.  I then asked him to go to the root from where his relationship with his mother in this life arises.  I tried to be loud and clear with my suggestion.  He said, “I am with my mother.  I am a toddler.”

I asked him, “Is it the present life or an earlier one?”

He replied, “Present one.  See my father again and again.”

I suggested he go back to the white light and check if there was another life from where his relationship with his mother in this life arose.

He replied, “I see a small house.  I am a boy… about 8-9 years.”

I asked, “What are you doing?”

He said, “I am playing.  I see old stairs.  It is a village in India.  I see a corridor.  I see my mother and father.  Mother is cooking.  Father is out in the fields.”

I asked him to go to dinner time.  He said, “My mother is serving food.  I don’t see anybody else other than my father.”

I then asked him to move to a significant event in that life.  He said, “Somebody has died.”

I suggested that he gets closer to see who has died.  He said, “Old lady.”  I asked if she is related to him.  He said, “Yes, my grandmother.”

I asked, “How do you feel?”

He said, “I feel very close to her.”  There was expression of pain on his face.  I suggested he go back to a happy time with his grandmother.  He said, “Grandmother is in the kitchen.  I am playing.  I am 9-10 years old.  I am in the fields holding her hand.”

I asked, “Does she love you?”

He said, “Yes, she loves me a lot.  I am the only child.  She gives me chocolate peppermint.  There is a river nearby.”

I asked, “Do you go to school?”

He said, “No school.  The village is very disturbed.  Jatre (term for village fair) is going on.  Grandmother is praying to God.”

I asked, “Which God?” for which I did not get a reply, so took him back to the time of her death and asked, what he felt.

He said, “Very sad, love her a lot.”  I asked, “How old are you?”

He replied, “I am a grown man – feel very bad.  I had been somewhere, came back and saw, she was dead.”

I asked, “How did she die?”

He said, “Chewing lot of paan with chunam” (betel  leaf and lime paste – common consumed in the rural part of India).

I asked, “How old is she?”  He replied, “90+…She used to tell stories.”

I asked him to move to the time of his death.  He said, “I see a vehicle…it is a lorry…lorry has killed me…it ran over me…my head.”  His whole body was shaking and shivering.  I asked, “How old were you?”

He replied, “In my 50s.”

I asked, “How did you meet with the accident?”

I asked, “I was driving a motorcycle…the lorry coming from opposite direction touched the handle and I feel down with the lorry running over my head…I died instantly.”

I asked, “Is that the reason for your headache?”  He replied, “Yes.”

I asked, “What was your lesson?”  He replied, “I have to be more cautious…I had a happy life.”

I asked, “See where this place is?”  He replied, “South India.”  I suggested that he see if there is a board around with the name of the place.  He said, “It is in Tamil (a South Indian Language).”

I asked him if he had any regrets.  He said, “I loved my grandmother very much so chose her for my mother in this life.”  I asked him to leave the headache behind in that life as he floated to the white light and suggested he burn the headache.

It was 1.30 pm and he wanted to come back from trance.  So, I brought him back.  We decided to take a lunch break and continue with the session after that.  He suggested, I give him time while asking questions during the session.  He felt that we had spent around 20 mins when we had actually spent 1 and ½ hours.  I decided to go slow during the next session.

After lunch, at 2.30 pm, we decided to go back and explore the reason for early death of his mother in this life and also to explore his relationship with his grandmother in that earlier life.  After relaxation, he went back to the earlier life in South India, to his childhood, where he saw his grandmother and mother in the kitchen.  He was 4-5 years old.  I asked him to see what happened to his mother.  He said that the mother died when he was around 7 or 8, and that she died due to health issues.  He said that he was very attached to his mother.  The grandmother took care of him.  He along with his grandmother were watching the father prepare for the cremation.  He felt lonely when his father took the mother’s body to the crematorium.  He saw his father performing the last rites of his dead mother.  He said, “No one to take care of me as mother is no more…my father is a farmer…he looks after me…he is good…he is my father in this life too…he does not marry again after my mother’s death.”  (In this life too, his father has not married again after the mother’s death).”

I asked him to check if she recognised his mother with someone in this life and he said, “no.”

I asked him to go to the time that he spent with his grandmother.  He replied, “I am in the fields, playing with my grandmother.  I am 8-9 years old.  She takes care of me.”

I asked him to go forward to a significant event.  He said, “I am getting married.  Father and grandmother are there and they are very happy.”

I asked, “How old are you?”

“I am 23-24 years,” he replied.

I continued, “What year is it?”

He said, “Around 1953 -55.” 

I suggested him to check with someone in the crowd.  He replied, “Eeravathi anjii.”  It is Tamil word for ‘25’.  We could not make out what it meant as the person who said that had moved.  I decided to go ahead and asked, “How is your bride?”

He replied, “She is OK.”

I continued, “What do you feel about her?”

He said, “I am OK.  It is an arranged marriage.”

I asked him to move ahead to significant event with his wife.  He said, “I am in the house with my wife.  I have 2 kids – both boys.  They are quarrelling.  My wife is saying that money is not sufficient.  I am not happy with what she says.  She does not like my grandmother.  

We have separated, left my father’s house.  My grandmother stays there.”

I asked, “Who takes care of your grandmother?”

He said, “She is alone, helpless…I fought with my wife, went out…I don’t want to stay with her.  She always quarrels with me.”

I asked, “Do you recognise her with someone in this lifetime?”

He said, “No, don’t recognise her.”

I asked, “How is your relationship with your sons?”

He said, “I like them a lot…my wife does not allow kids to be with me…my house is near the beach…I am into construction work…I am sitting at the beach.”

I asked, “What is the name of the place?”

I could not make out what he said.  He said something like, “Keriyar…Ariyar.”

I asked, “Which state?”

He replied, “Tamil Nadu.”

I asked if there is any important landmark nearby.  He said, “Murugan (One of the Hindu Gods) temple built by the Cholas.  There is a small river.”

I asked him to move ahead to the time of his death and asked what he was feeling.

He said, “I should have taken care of my grandmother…She died of old age…I cannot forgive myself for the sin…I should have taken care but did not…I went out with my wife.”

I asked him, “What is the lesson learnt?”

He said, “Take care of old people.  Never ignore them.  I was not able to raise my kids.”

I asked, “How old were you when your grandmother died?”

He said, “Around 26-27 years.”

I asked, “How old was your grandmother?”

He said, “Very old – 95.”  After few seconds of silence, he said in a shocked tone, “I see my current mother she is the same.”

I asked him to check with her the reason for leaving him motherless in this life.  He said, “She wanted me to experience the loneliness.  Mother wanted me to feel it, realise it.”

I asked him to seek forgiveness.  He said, that she forgave him and said, “God bless you.”

I asked him to check where she was.  He said, “Very far.”  After waking up, he said she had mentioned something like US (United States).

I asked him to check if she had any messages for him.  He said, “She says, ‘Your father has taken good care of you…I am watching it…I am always with you.’ And that she likes me.”  He said that there was nothing more to be read into her early death and it was only a lesson for him.

I suggested he look at the vehicle he was riding.  He said, “It is green.”  I continued, “Check the make of the vehicle.”  He said, “TVS” (We found later that TVS was a moped launched in 1980 in India).  He was born in this life in mid-1980s.

I asked him, if he had any regrets.  He said, “Could have been a better life.  I could have taken care of my grandmother.  I should have lived longer…I left behind my children early – they were in their teens.  I want to ask forgiveness from my grandmother.”

I said, “You just asked your mother for forgiveness.”  He said, “I want to do it again.”

After seeking forgiveness again from his grandmother of that life, he was floating under the white light.  After some time, I asked him to check if there was any other reason for him for having lost his mother early.  He said, “No.”

After coming back from trance, we went through the lessons and he mentioned that he was also afraid of old age and death.  After the session, he felt he had found the reasons for it.

As he left for home, I was wondering why he faced such a severe punishment of being motherless, was it just for not having taken care of his grandmother in an earlier life.  Is there any other reason?  My thought suddenly drifted to the first life he had seen, where he had seen himself as an old mother who was not taken care by her children.  Why did he go there?  What was that relevance of that life to this session?  Was it only to suggest that he was having a pattern of lonely lifetime?  He had experienced loneliness as the old woman but had not learnt his lesson, and in his next life, he had not taken care of his grandmother during her old age.  I was left wondering, if this could be the reason for the harsh punishment (having lost his mother) was to teach him the lesson on loneliness, as he had not learnt it earlier.  There was also a pattern of his mother dying when he was 7-8 years old – this was the case in the present life as well as an earlier one.  What was the reason for the pattern?  What was the lesson for him to learn?  Will his headache issue be resolved?  The words which remained with me, “Take care of old people.  Never ignore them.”

Few months later, he called one morning.  He said his migraine attacks have nearly disappeared.  He did get headache but it is not the severe ones that he experienced earlier, and the frequency had reduced drastically.  He now did not miss his mother much and he did not feel disturbed any longer about having lost his mother.  He said that he had realised that his mother had brought him into this life to teach him about spirituality.  We discussed and agreed that we still had not understood the reason for the pattern of his mother dying early in different lives.  He said he will drop by for another session as he too had this question and wanted it resolved.  

The next session, that happened eight months later in first week of January 2020, was to unravel the entire plot.  Please do take time off to read 'Value of Mother - Part 2' which is a continuation of this and the most beautiful session I have experienced.  The relationship between Karma and its fruits is quite complex for a human mind to understand.

As I am curious to understand if the blog is making sense, I request you to share your feedback and comments.  Thank you for those who have shared your thoughts. They are many who ask questions on my personal number.  If you can post your questions here, it might help others who have similar questions.  I may not be able to answer all the questions due to my individual limitations, but will do my best, based on my knowledge and ability.  I will post the conclusion part only if I get some feedback and questions from you - my dear readers.  Thank you.

Please feel free to post your comments and questions, and I will try my best to answer them, with my limited knowledge.  The comments you post would appear after a day or two, as I have set up a spam check.  Thank you.